Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My breasts were aching with rage.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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