I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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