i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
