New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm like, not good at living.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
