bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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