when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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