This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I checked into jail on foursquare
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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