seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
