Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
