I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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