I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
