I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
