We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
