i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You can't special order awesome
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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