And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
