Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
