Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
