Only a mothe r could love this liver
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize