Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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