the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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