Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
