Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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