My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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