Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
