I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
