i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
