If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
