its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
