OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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