I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
