his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
