Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
