Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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