Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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