HIV tests are more positive than that guy
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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