ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
