Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
