you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
