There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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