i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
