At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
