Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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