She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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