Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
