When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
