I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize