so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
