Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You ruined the universe
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
