Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
