I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
