Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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