got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
