My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize