I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
