I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
