You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
