i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
