i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
