I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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