you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
