I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
