Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
