So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
