I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
