but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
