I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
