I seem to have left my pride at pride
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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