went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
