I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
