My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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