I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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