I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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