So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
