Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
