I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
