And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
