You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
