she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
