my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
