I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
