I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
