alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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